This film was so boring. I’m pretty sure that I nodded off once or twice. Even if I had, it wouldn’t matter. You want to know why? Because nothing happens.

Based on the novel by Stephen King, this film follows a mom, dad, and daughter. Each of them possesses special powers ranging from telekinesis to pyrokinesis. There’s a secret government agency, one that you barely get any information about, that tries to track down the family so that they can study the girl.

Like you would imagine, the government agency catches up to them because they hired a rogue assassin who goes on a cop killing spree. Once they catch the assassin and the father, they basically wait for the daughter to come find them. The script wants you to think that they’re doing this because the agency is smart. They’re not. It’s just lazy writing.

After lighting up everything, including her father, the girl willingly goes off to live with the assassin. Remember, that’s the same assassin that killed her mother and led to the subsequent death of her father. But, you know, she just decides to forget all of that by the end of the film.

When compared to the 1984 version starring Drew Barrymore, the 2022 version is inferior. To be truthful, it’s just an inferior film anyway. The acting is wooden on just about all accounts. Zac Efron tries, but it doesn’t save the film. Kurtwood Smith is just there for a paycheck for, like, five minutes of screentime. Ryan Kiera Armstrong, who plays Charlie aka the Firestarter, needs more direction in the emotional acting department.

This is by far the worst film I’ve seen all month for the 31 Days of Horror. Don’t waste your time with this film, folks. In fact, if you do have this film in your possession with the intention of watching it, you’d have more fun taking it outside and lighting it on fire.

31 Days of Horror Rankings: 

1. Deadstream (2022) 
2. Willy’s Wonderland (2021)  
3. Grimcutty (2022)
4. Watcher (2022)   
5. She Will (2022)
6. Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
7. Escape Room (2019)
8. We Have Always Lived in the Castle (2018)
9. The Cellar (2022)  
10. The Last Rite (2021)
11. Revealer (2022)  
12. Sissy (2022) 
13. Halloween Ends (2022)
14. Mr. Harrigan’s Phone (2022)
15. Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1982)
16. The Collingswood Story (2002)
17. Werewolf by Night (2022)
18. Firestarter (2022)