2018 Movie Recap: The Worst

It’s been a pretty interesting year for theatre patrons. We’ve seen the return of the Predator and Michael Myers, an actual solid performance from Nicholas Cage, grown men playing tag, nostalgia incarnate, and the decimation of half the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

A good year overall, I’d say.

Originally, I had planned on writing one single article about all the movies I’ve seen that came out this year. Of course, that changed when I sat down and made a list of all of them. Thirty-two movies in total. For clarification’s sake, I’m writing this first installment on Tuesday, Dec. 11 and there a few movies this year I plan on seeing. However, for the purpose of this first section I don’t think those films will pertain to this part of the list.

Since the films I’m talking about are still relatively new, let me warn you: Here there be spoilers!

So without further ado, allow me to present to you my 2018 Movie Rankings from worst to best starting with:

a wrinkle in time32. A Wrinkle In Time

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 42% 

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 28% 

IMDB Score: 4.2/10

The absolute worst film I watched this year. And that’s saying something considering some of the garbage that I sat through this year. One of the reasons why it made the worst of the worst was that I don’t remember really anything about this film. Sure, I know the plot but that’s because I read the book when I was a kid. Going back to the review I wrote after watching the movie, I understood why I can’t remember anything. Nothing in that movie is memorable. The plot dragged on, the characters weren’t that interesting, and the action was nonexistent. Sure, the CGI was amazing but that’s expected from Disney. I also will not tolerate a beloved novel being twisted into this sad excuse of a movie.

slenderman31. Slender Man

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 7% 

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 20%

IMDB Score: 3.2/10

As bad as Slender Man was, at least I remember all the plot points of the film. There were even a few interesting things that were utilized in the film. The problem is that it follows a very generic plot. Stupid teenagers decide to enact an ancient ritual to summon an ancient being that will eventually hunt down and systematically kill or drive crazy each of those teenagers. By the end of the film, you’re rooting for Slender Man to do just that. By the way, if you think thin, faceless, old white dudes that wear business suits are scary then just go walk around Capital Hill. What? Sometimes real life is scarier than the fictional ones we create. Just saying.

patient zero30. Patient Zero

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 17%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 24%

IMDB Score: 4.3/10

Matt Smith. Natalie Dormer. Stanley Tucci. And that fat guy from the Night’s Watch. Oh, and zombies! How could this film be bad right? That was my thought process as I purchased the DVD. Then I watched it. First off, they’re not zombies. They’re infected with a mutated strain of rabies. Ugh. Then Matt Smith can understand and speak with these infected because he got bit and didn’t turn. Okay, that’s a bit interesting. Except that he speaks with an American accent. For those that don’t know, Matt Smith is famous for playing the Doctor in the British TV series Doctor Who. Dormer and the Night’s Watch dude didn’t bother to cover up their accent but through the entire movie I couldn’t get past how amazing Smith’s accent was. And that’s what pulled me out of the movie. Which wasn’t that hard considering the entire premise is rubbish. The last bastions of humanity are trying to find patient zero in an attempt to create a vaccine that would cure the infected. That’s right, you heard me right. They are trying to find 1 person in 7 BILLION. 

small foot29. Smallfoot

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 76%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 66%

IMDB Score: 6.7/10

Now before you all freak out. I understand that this is one of those, “what the heck is he thinking?” type of movies on my list. While this film was funny in parts, I just couldn’t get past the whole “religion is rubbish” message of the film. Being a Christian, this rubs me the wrong way and I just couldn’t look past it. Plus, have you ever really given any thought to why the Bigfoot don’t have a nose?

the possession of hannah grace28. The Possession of Hannah Grace

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 12%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 36%

IMDB Score: 5.1/10

This film had an interesting premise. Disgraced cop comes out of drug rehab and works as an overnight morgue attendant. Add a dead body that is possessed by a demon and you’ve got a potentially awesome psychological and religious film. Except, it was handled extremely poorly. The demon was too overpowered except when the main character was fighting it. There were so many points in it where the main character should have died. The demon is rejuvenating the host body by killing people in the morgue, but doesn’t kill the main character because… she’s the main character.

pacific rim uprising27. Pacific Rim: Uprising

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 44%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 41%

IMDB Score: 5.6/10

I’m getting to point where I don’t really hate the films, but I have to list them as the worst because they are on the bottom third of the list. Big Monsters fighting big robots. The Pacific Rim movies don’t slouch when it comes to that premise. The problem is that the films lack any character development. They don’t even mention the main character from the first one. They have returning characters but none of them talk about the main character from the first. I will applaud the really dark twist at the end that made the film interesting and more enjoyable than the first.

predator26. The Predator

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 33%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 40%

IMDB Score: 5.6/10

I know, I know. If you’re like me, you were waiting for Chris Hansen to rescue everyone and catch those predators. Sadly enough, that’s not what happened. Instead, we got comical mentally-ill war veterans fighting intergalactic hunters. There wasn’t even a reference to the Governator’s character. 2018 was a year of nostalgic reincarnation and this film was one such attempt. Except it failed miserably due to a horrible ending and a weak reason as to why the Predator’s have been hunting our species more frequently. I’ll give you a hint: Global Warming. Yup. 

red sparrow25. Red Sparrow

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 47%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 50%

IMDB Score: 6.6/10

I went to see this film for one reason: Jennifer Lawrence. Say what you want, JLaw is an amazing actress. But not in this film. Her acting is about as cold as the country the film takes place in, the Soviet Union. The plot follows JLaw’s character, a ballerina that can’t dance anymore due to a broken ankle, as she’s forced to serve as a spy. The rest of the plot is pretty predictable.

Tag24. Tag

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 56%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 56%

IMDB Score: 6.6/10

So Tag wasn’t horrible. But it wasn’t great either. The story is based from actual events about grown men playing a single game of tag for thirty years. It’s got a stellar cast and is actually really funny throughout the film. So why is this one so low on the theatrical totem pole? There are unnecessary nuggets of raunchy humor that just shouldn’t be in the film.

the first purge23. The First Purge

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 54%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 29%

IMDB Score: 5.1/10

There are several problems with this film. The first being that the main characters live even after finding out that the government sent mercenaries into the Purge to make it look like more people are being killed in order to have enough conclusive data to support an annual Purge. That’s right. Going into this movie, I fully expected one of those films where you’re rooting for the main characters and it looks like they might survive, but no they’re all killed at the end. Otherwise, the characters would just shed light on the fact that the government is trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the American public. Except they don’t. They live and that’s where the film ends. Which means that they either don’t care about exposing the government, they were assassinated by the government anyway in order to hide the truth, or the American public didn’t care about a few more conspiracy theorists. How do we know this? Because this is a prequel film to a series about an annual Purge. Also, I dislike this movie because when I talk about the First Purge people aren’t sure if I’m talking about the prequel or the first film starring Ethan Hawke.

hereditary22. Hereditary

Rotten Tomato’s Critic Score: 89%

Rotten Tomato’s Audience Score: 62%

IMDB Score: 7.3/10

The last film in my Worst category and you all might be thinking why. It was about a half hour too long. At 127 minutes, there were multiple times in the film where I pulled out my phone to check the time. The acting was great, the special effects were also great, and there were moments where the suspense built up really nicely. However, the filmmakers were trying to cram in a psychological thriller about death in the family with a typical demonic possession film. They took one and a half hours to build and cultivate the relationships of the family members, but the last half hour is where they just tear everything down with the hurried and forcibly awkward and confusing ending where the family is plagued by a cult and the demon they worship. At the end of the film you’re left yawning and scratching your head in confusion.

Well, that was quite the trek down the trash heap of my time in 2018. Do you guys agree with my list so far or do you think I’m wrong? Let me know in the comments! 

Join me next week when I count down the mediocre films of 2018!

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Most Anticipated Movies for 2018 (part 1)

With 2017 behind us and all of 2018 in front, I’m going to be giving a top 12 movies I am excited for this half of the new year. I will not be listing this from most excited to least excited. I’m picking two movies from each month (winner and runner-up) and explaining the reason why I’m excited for them. All film release dates are subject to change.

January

Winner: Day of the Dead: Bloodline
dotd bloodlinesThe zombie genre is a dying genre, pun intended. With The Walking Dead starting to wane and the death of George A. Romero, created of the modern day zombie, in 2017 it looks like this would be an appropriate stopping point for the genre. Of course, zombies being what they are, maybe this will actually be where they crawl back from the point of death and start it’s comeback?
From the trailer, it looks like a really bad remake of the original Day of the Dead (1985). It has to be better than the second attempt to remake this film, Day of the Dead (2008). And wouldn’t it be really great to have an actual good zombie flick to start off the new year? (Yes, this is a dig at Resident Evil: The Final Chapter serving as a crappy start to 2017.) DotD: Bloodline comes out Jan. 5.

Runner-Up: Insidious: The Last Key
Honest time, I haven’y seen the sequel films past Insidious 2. The reason why I listed this film is because I absolutely love this franchise and I also liked the character Dr. Elise Rainier, parapsychologist and her two bumbling and quirky minions. I might have to catch up with the other films before watching this one. The Last Key also comes out Jan. 5.

February 

Winner: Annihilation

annilation

Natalie Portman in Annihilation.

There are multiple reasons why I’ll probably be in a line at my local theater on Feb. 23 when Annihilation comes out. Those reasons include Natalie Portman, Oscar Isaac, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and that mysterious plot. For those of you that don’t know, Annihilation follows Portman’s character as she enters an environmental disaster zone in order to find her missing husband, Isaac.

Runner-Up: Black Panther
I’m not really psyched for Black Panther and I’m not sure why. The trailer looked so awesome, the action looks great, there’s some really impressive actors in the film. For all intents and purposes, this should be a film that I would be dying to see. In the end though, it’s just another Marvel superhero film and I think I’ve become a bit jaded by the genre at long last. As I say that, I will always go see Marvel films in theaters because I absolutely love the genre. Unless they change the formula though, they won’t make me eager to see them anymore.
Black Panther comes out Feb. 16.

March

Winner: Ready Player One
ready player oneOh my gosh guys. I’ve just started reading the book written by Ernest Cline, the book that the movie is based from. It has so many pop culture references and the movie follows suit. Once this film comes out there will be a plethora of YouTube videos dedicated to pointing out all the Easter eggs. Ironically, that’s the whole point of the storyline in the film. The film follows the users of a virtual reality world called OASIS as they try and find the ultimate Easter egg. This comes out March 30.

Runner-Up: Tomb Raider
Most of the people my age shouldn’t have to ask what the premise of this film is. We’ve grown up playing the video game franchise and watching the films with Angelina Jolie. If you’ve never heard of Tomb Raider before, just think a rich female version of Indiana Jones.
The reason that this film, which comes out March 16, excites me centers around two actors: Alicia Vikander and Walton Goggins. Goggins is great at playing the villain. Vikander looks the part as Lara Croft and has played in multiple roles including The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and Jason Bourne.

April

Winner: Rampage
rampageThis may seem like just another monster trashing a city movie, but for those that used to spend hours playing the video game, Rampage, this is a nostalgic must see film. Some might say they will want to see this film because of the star studded cast featuring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Joe Manganiello, and Malin Akerman I’ll be going to see all the destruction that the humongous gorilla, crocidile, and wolf will cause. Destruction starts July 15.

Runner-Up: The New Mutants
With Disney purchasing 20th Century Fox, it will be interesting to see whether this film will be integrated into the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). This new entry into the X-Men mythos centers on five young mutants as they discover their newfound abilities while held in a secret facility against their will. They must fight to escape their past sins and save themselves. The New Mutants show themselves April 13.

May

Winner: Avengers: Infinity War
avengers infinity warOk, I know what I said about the superhero genre when I talked about Black Panther. This is different though. The lives of all Phase 1 MCU characters are at stake. Many will survive, but a few key staples of the cinematic universe could be killed including Iron Man and Captain America. Plus this film pulls together decades of build up as Thanos comes to collect the pieces of the Infinity Gauntlet. It also has the biggest cast in all of MCU history. This could be the biggest and most impressive film in the MCU and that’s why I’m excited for this one. I’ll be in line May 4 to watch this film.

Runner-Up: Solo: A Star Wars Story
So, I’m not really excited for this film. I think that this film is one that doesn’t necessarily need to be told. Rogue One was an interesting tale that told us about how the Death Star plans were given to the Rebel Alliance. What will this new anthology film explain? My guess is whether the Millennium Falcon actually completed the Kessel Run in 14 or 12 parsecs. I guess we’ll find out for sure on May 25.

June

Winner: Deadpool 2 (No official title yet)
deadpool2The first one was vulgar, hands down. It was also one of those films where parents took their kids to see because they all thought that it was a comic book film and comic book films were never that vulgar. When I went to see it in theaters there were some parents like that. So know this, if you want to see the film, this will be almost as vulgar, or more vulgar than, the first. The thing that I liked about the first Deadpool film was the humor and the fourth wall breaking. It was absolutely 100% true to the comic books and I respected it for that fact. It will also be interesting to see if Disney (now that they have purchased 20th Century Fox) has any say about toning down the vulgarity. This will supposidly come out June 1.

Runner-Up: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
The month of sequels it seems. June 22 shows the release of this new film into the Jurassic Park franchise. The trailer shows Chris Pratt’s character getting convinced to go back to Isla Nublar to rescue his pet Blue, the Velociraptor and all the rest of the dinosaurs on the island from the volcano that’s apparently erupting, triggering another (be it) smaller extinction. First off, I wouldn’t care about Blue anymore because it’s a VELOCIRAPTOR AND WILL EAT MY FACE FROM MY BODY!

Whew, that was a lot of linking, media adding, and trying to figure out my battle plan as far as movie watching for the first half of the year. I can’t really list too many of the films that come out July to the rest of the year because there may be some films that are announced to release after this post. In June, I’ll list the rest of the movies for the year. Agree or disagree with me? Let me know in the comments below about what your must see 2018 films will be.